my top 5 favorite spam subject lines

In no particular order:

1. pepperoni breastwork effaceable
2. clothesman residuary maser
3. breadroot at accomplice
4. with magog in circumscription can prefab
5. extremal

seeking exciting career opportunity.....

You’re in the middle of a merger between the company you work for and another company who is an “equal” partner in the deal even though their stake is 51%.

One day, the CIO announces that if you just so happen to want to leave the company, well then there is now a voluntary separation package available. This means, "we hope some of you will take this lump of cash and leave". Oh, and you have two weeks to decide. “But this doesn’t mean that there will be layoffs if not enough people leave. It's just a great opportunity that we're able to offer right now. There’s no magic number that we have in mind”.

Do you believe him?

and now....a quote from Randy

My Name is Earl is so full of brilliant writing, it's hard to comprehend it all. Randy is my hero.

"Yeah I'm glad she's not dead no more. Being dead is definitely worse than being alive. When you're dead you can't do all the cool stuff you can do when you're alive. You and I, we can do all kinds of cool stuff cuz we're living, we're not dead, we're alive. If we were dead we wouldn't be able to do all the cool stuff we can do, becuz we're alive. Dead people can't do cool stuff. Only people that are alive can do cool stuff, cuz they're living, and you have to be living to be able to do cool stuff. You have to be alive. Yeah, 'cept when you're alive sometimes bad stuff happens too. Like sometimes you can get into a car wreck, or you can have a headache or twist your ankle or even stub your big toe... So being alive is kinda hard too, but I think it's definitely better than being dead...."

Every day I struggle with a dilemma. I read countless emails from people we are supposed to respect and from whom we take direction. Usually these notes, presentations, and dissertations are rife with grammar and punctuation errors (not to mention annoying buzzwords).

Should I kindly respond to these people and helpfully point out their errors and risk looking like a know-it-all jackass? Would they appreciate my help, or just be annoyed?

I think I'm better in the long run letting their errors go. While, the huge majority of readers won't know the difference anyway, the handful of others who catch the blunders will certainly think the author is a moron. That makes me happy.

Flee Ohio

I just saw the back of an Ohio quarter. It depicts an outline of the state, the Wright brothers' plane, and I'm guessing either Neil Armstrong or John Glenn in a space suit.

Next to that is the phrase, "Birthplace of Aviation Pioneers".

Is it any wonder that historically, people have always tried to fly away from Ohio? That place must really really suck.

Tax Time

Accountants are brilliant conversationalists. We had our taxes done tonight. I present to you "Accountant Conversation 2006"

Him: Ok, what do we have?
Me: Here are our W2s.
Him: No more kids this year?
Me: Nope. All done.
Him: Dividends? Interest income?
Me: Here are these. I sold some stock.
Him: So no home sales or refinancing, only one mortgage?
Me: Right. Piece o' cake this year.
Him: Donations?
Me: Yep. $205.
Him: Ok, there you go.

cycle of efficiency

A little over a year ago, I worked for one guy. It was just us – a two man team and it was a very cool arrangement. Everything clicked and our jobs made sense together functionally. Then this guy was assigned to a new team, but someone who’s really smart and makes a lot of money decided that it would be better if I stayed on solo on the existing team.

As a result of that juggling, I was assigned a new manager. I worked for that guy for roughly 3 months, then I was once again re-assigned to another new manager. This lasted a while, until about October, and then the really smart people decided again that what I do lines up better with yet one more new manager. But apparently, that must have been a bad decision, because in November, I was assigned to one more manager.

And now today, I learned that I have made a complete circle – right back to the guy I started with. That’s 5 changes in management in a year. Apparently, all of the “realignments to better meet our business needs” from the bulging brains that sail this ship were not all that brilliant after all since the first arrangement ended up being the last.

I am reminded of a lesson in nature. Animal eats plant. Animal shits plant. Shit turns to soil and spawns a new plant.