The Lance Armstrong Foundation

Around the same time Lance Armstrong was facing his battle with cancer, I had just learned that my mother had lung cancer. All I knew about the disease was that people usually died when they had it. I was perfectly healthy and in my mind it would never affect me personally. This time, it had. Not directly, but this was my mother, so it was indeed personal.

Several months later, my father informed me that he had prostate cancer. As far as we knew, there were two options: either the victim died, or had a radical prostatectomy which meant adult diapers and embarrassing accidents. There were very few alternative treatments that we were made aware of.

My dad made it about a year before he passed away, withered and brittle; frail bones and flesh. My mom fought as hard as she could and always remained optimistic. She died exactly one year to the day after my father.

A few years later, as an avid cyclist, I was astounded to watch Lance Armstrong win the 1999 Tour de France. To win a stage of the Tour is phenomenal. To win the race, almost unimaginable. And of course now, to have won it six consecutive times and try for seven is nearly beyond comprehension. The most amazing part of it all? He owes it all to cancer. It taught him to fight. It taught him to endure pain. It taught him how to be a survivor.

There are many wonderful organizations dedicated to fighting cancer, searching for a cure, and helping people. But the LAF is a little different. It focuses not only on research, treatments, and cures, but also advocacy, clinical trials, and most of all survivorship. The LAF promotes knowledge and education. It teaches the newly diagnosed to pursue every last bit of available information, to ask questions, to get a second and third opinion. It teaches the patient that cancer must not take control of his or her life. It provides valuable resources to those who have just heard the words “you have cancer”. And the LAF helps us all to LiveStrong.

Right now, more than 10 million Americans are living with, through, or beyond cancer. One in three will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. Of those diagnosed,
64 % of adults will be alive five years from now, and childhood cancer survival rates are now at 78%. The LAF helps survivors get on with the business of living.

I have no guess at how many people might see this blog. But in case masses of readers stumble upon it, I will unashamedly ask for their help. The fact is, cancer affects everyone. If it does not impact you personally, then you very likely know someone who either has faced it or will face it. This year, in honor of Lance’s attempt at a seventh Tour de France victory, the Lance Armstrong Foundation has set a goal to raise $7 million with its “7 for Survivors” drive. As a member of the LAF’s Peloton Project, I am doing my part to raise as much as I can toward the effort.

Whether or not you are a fan of Lance (I know some people may still be all twisted up about his divorce), you can help the cancer community tremendously with a secure, online, tax deductible donation. If every individual who might happen to view this blog contributed as little as $5.00, what a significant amount that would be toward the overall goal. At the very least, please go to http://www.laf.org/ to experience the many ways that the LAF helps.

If you would like to donate, please click on the title of this submission.

Bike to Work...Or Not

In Denver, we recognize Bike to Work Day on some Wednesday in the middle of June. Elsewhere, it takes place in May, however it is not uncommon for wintry conditions to loiter here until Memorial Day. For me, it makes little difference when it takes place since I commute to work on my two-wheeled steed pretty regularly all year long. My commute to the office is pretty short by cyclist standards, but I make the most of it to maintain some degree of fitness even through Thanksgiving gorging, Christmas feasts, and Easter candy gluttony. More importantly, I save on gas consumption and do my part to lessen traffic on our roadways.

I have been commuting by bike more often than not for the past four years. I have endured comments about my shaved legs, and snickers about my bike clothes so it occurred to me that maybe I could get others to try it. They don’t have to shave their legs or wear funny cycling clothes, but maybe they too might enjoy the detoxifying effects of riding to and from work.

This year, I thought it might be cool to promote Bike to Work Day here at the office, so I conspired with our friendly spirit team member to get the plan in motion. Our idea was to utilize the psychological advantage and overwhelming popularity of the beloved casual day, and allow anyone who participates in Bike to Work Day the opportunity to wear casual attire. Basically, it was a simple way to provide incentive for my coworkers to try alternative transportation while encouraging an active lifestyle if even for just one day. Spirit gal sent a note to the appropriate management chain for permission and we waited for a response. My god, you would have thought we asked for 50% salary increases.

Here was the first response we got from one of the management team:

“We have folks that bike to work on a regular basis without a casual day so I'm not so inclined to do so.”

I tried and tried to find some logic in that statement. I still just really can’t make any sense of that. If that sentence were a bird, it would have no wings. If it were a sandwich, it would have no bread. If it were a high school kid, it would have no date to the prom.

Disturbingly perplexed and bothered, I fired back a response which I knew had the potential to kick off a big shitstorm. But it was my duty as someone with the ability to reason. I thought surely if I used calm and rational logic, it would hit home and go off like a light bulb:

Dear (Senior Manager who shall remain nameless),

I understand the sentiment, but the idea /goal behind this was not just an excuse to dress casually, but more to encourage or entice others to try riding to work, if only for a day. It's simply a chance to show that there are other ways to get to work, save gas, reduce emissions, and promote fitness.

Thanks,
Brian

I don’t know what I was thinking. For a moment, I must have thought I worked someplace cool that is truly as embracing of diversity as it professes to be. Here’s the official word I received, but before you read it, put down your coffee so you don’t take a drink and spray it:

“And here is where my job stinks. From an HR perspective we can't target a group for a casual day. We either grant a casual day to everyone or we grant a casual day to no one. I understand exactly what your intent is, however I have to do my job so I said no.”

Ok, well I can sort of understand that point. I mean, you have to treat everyone in the workplace equally and fairly. And that’s why each year around the holidays, if you donate food and clothing to the local NBC affiliate’s annual drive you get casual day passes. Or when they decide we all need to take the afternoon off and go to a baseball game, those of us who would rather work or who can’t afford the ticket (yes, we have to buy our own) do not get casual day. Only the people fortunate enough to get to go to the game are rewarded with casual day. Oh—or if you donated items for a care package to send to a soldier in Iraq, you are able to attend a catered lunch as your reward. But that’s different. That’s not really targeting a group after all. No. No it isn’t.

Now, make no mistake – I really don’t give a shit if we get to wear shorts or jeans or whatever to work. It doesn’t fuel me to be a better corporate slave. Casual Day? Hey, that’s neat, but I’d trade all the casual days in the world for job security and a pay increase. But for some people, that’s the one sure way to motivate them to do something. And the beauty of it is, IT DOESN’T CUT INTO THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF COMPANY PROFIT!! You can’t beat that! Happy employees and it doesn’t cost anyone a dime!

Maybe I’m being too harsh. I just don’t understand how the countless companies around town who provide free breakfast to Bike to Work Day participants manage to avoid litigation.

Whacky!

There comes a time in everyone’s life when a critical decision must be made. For me, that time was last month and it further bolstered my desire to get out of here. I know there are workplaces that are somewhat professional, yet they allow individuals the freedom to be…..well….individual. There are places where khaki pants don’t matter and your contributions are more important than which shoes you wear. Maybe I need to work at a place run by hippies. Or an ad agency. Maybe someone could pay me royally to write crap like this on a regular basis.
I digress.

Each year here at one of the largest cellular companies in North America, our craptacular HR personnel decide when we can wear what. Specifically, on May 15th, it is suddenly acceptable to wear shorts. Only appropriate shorts, mind you, and only on Fridays. Because on Fridays, we apparently are not required to be professional. This makes me wonder why we need to show up at all on Fridays, but again I digress. Then in September, I believe also the 15th, the debauchery of shorts-wearing ceases since you know, it’s Autumn and all. Never mind that temperatures hover in the 80s well into October. September is it, dammit, and we shall not bare our legs. As an aside, our first allowable day to wear shorts was rather chilly, yet our good friends in HR failed to warn us with “NO SHORTS TODAY DUE TO COLD!” And I thought they were looking out for us with the edict of shorts/no shorts. We are too insipid to determine for ourselves how to dress seasonably.

So this year, seemingly in an effort to make sure everyone knew it was ok to wear shorts once again, our spiffy crew of well-dressed, etiquette-honed HR professionals issued a declaration straight off the cutting room floor of the movie ‘Office Space’:

May 16, 2005 - May 20, 2005
Casual Dress all week with a theme each day.

Monday - Hawaiian Luau Day - time to break out those Hawaiian shirts, you know you have one...
Tuesday - Crazy Tie Day - how big and crazy can you get?
Wednesday - Sports Fan Day - show your team spirit
Thursday - Around the World T-shirt Day - wear one of those souvenir t-shirts from a vacation
Friday - Crazy Hat Day - pull out that 10 gallon cowboy hat

With Summer almost here, it is a great time to review the dress code.
Employees violating the dress code will be sent home.
Details on the treats will come shortly.

These declarations are so fantastic that they really require no comment. Just head shaking. Shake your head. Go ahead – I know it’s unbelievable. But I shall comment anyway. I must.

Hawaiian Shirt Day. The staple of all office merriment. For starters, there was no luau (what’s with the office luau anyway??? it seems to keep haunting us). The only “treat” was at the building next door which is inhabited by all of the people exploring their first jobs outside of the fast food industry. They had a chocolate fountain and people from our building were not invited. They were checking ID badges at the door, and there was a two item dip limit. Treat indeed. They had precisely calculated the amount of chocolate required for the fountain if each person dipped only two things. I'm sure they assumed that everyone would only be dipping food.

Crazy Tie Day – We don’t wear ties to work in the first place. Who thought it was a good idea to allow us to wear casual attire (shorts and t-shirts) then ask us to drape whacky ties around our necks? This event was about as popular as George Bush giving the keynote address at a stem cell research seminar.

Sports Fan Day – Ok, not much to bitch about there. I mean, a fairly high percentage of folks wear team shirts anyway on casual day. But I have to say that this was not very creative, you HR minions.

Around the World T-shirt Day – I think the most exotic thing I saw was “Hard Rock Las Vegas”. Not a single “I went to Buckingham Palace and Kissed the Queen’s Ass” shirt to be found. Not even “I survived the Tsunami”. Nothing. And still no treats as promised.

Finally, Crazy Hat Day - I’m sure they had visions of everyone running around the office like madmen hooting and hollering, pointing at each others’ outta sight hats, laughing hysterically, and truly enjoying this marvelous place we loosely call “work”. They call this work??! AND we get to wear crazy hats?? How much better could my life possibly be?

I don’t know. Maybe we all just would have appreciated a week of wearing comfortable clothing without the games. Most of us have moved beyond middle school and we don’t really need to be given a lollipop at the doctor’s office any more. But it might have been nice if we had received the glorious treats we were promised. Well, actually on the exploding climax of the week, Friday afternoon brought us a couple of tubs of ice cream, a vat of hot fudge, and a handful of chopped nuts.