Christmas is for children

To anyone who designs packaging for toys:

You suck.

Especially those of you who package Barbies.

naked finger

Last night for dinner, I made vegetarian meatloaf. I know, I know.....what the hell??! Just like the kind your mom used to make, only I used Boca ground un-meat. It was frighteningly meat-like after it was baked. But good eatin' nonetheless, and chock full o' soy protein.

I even got my hands all in it during preparation so I could give it that good ol' messy mixed up texture that makes meatloaf more loafy. Beforehand, I took off my wedding ring -- something I never ever do, but for some reason it seemed like a good idea under the circumstances.

As I got halfway to work this morning, I realized that I had forgotten to put it back on. I might as well not be wearing pants. I feel completely naked and vulnerable.

I went to the mall during lunch and strangely, despite having no wedding ring, not one woman approached me and tried to ask me out. Not even any flirting glances cast in my direction.

Good to know that life as a single man is no different than when I was actually single.

green chile

I have never had sex at work. But let me tell you, after eating this bowl of vegetarian green chile from Illegal Pete's (www.illegalpetes.com) the moaning and lip smacking coming from my cube might well lead one to believe that something bawdy was going on in my cubicle. I feel like I should eat it under my desk where no one can see me.

Mmmmmm. Green chiles, tomatoes, jalapenos, crushed red pepper, chunks of potato....spicy, but not miserable. It is a fireplace on a cold winter's night. A train ride to New Mexico. A girl named Rosa who doesn't speak English and has long dark hair. It was elixir that transported my mind far away from these three grey walls of despair.

I feel alive. I want more.

today's conference update

Quote from a director of a major telecom organization to an audience of about 75 industry professionals:

"Customers can request their bill to be electronical"