dream #1

this is the first of a couple dreams i had several years ago. when they occurred, i woke up in the dead of the night, laughing my ass off. the bed shook, my wife woke up....i nearly vomited from laughing so hard. not because the dreams were necessarily hilarious, but they were weird enough to make me chuckle. and the notion that i was trying to stifle my laughter in the middle of the night made me laugh even harder. anyway, here is the first...

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The Merv Griffin Show is on the TV. Merv comes out and says, “Next up, we’ve got Tom Jones. But it’s not what you’re thinking---take a look at this clip.”

The video begins with a large black stage---everything is black: the wings, the curtain, the stage structure. Tom Jones strolls out wearing a silver leisure-jump suit. He has really big rocker hair. “I’ve always loved that Big Band sound”, Tom says.

The band, which consists of several totally amped guitarists, a horn section, all sorts of percussion instruments (including a guiro), and Paul Shaffer wearing a blue leisure suit with his collar open, starts cranking out a version of ‘Delilah’ that has never been heard before.

The style is a big band swingy waltz, but the sound of it is totally grunge/death metal. The camera pans back to show the audience consisting of about 25 people passing out and screaming wildly as if in a panic.

The entire venue is about the size of a community theatre and there are chairs overturned everywhere. On stage there are fireworks, flashpots, and fog, and musicians thrashing around. The crowd is maniacal. Tom comes to the edge of the stage, looks into the camera and states: “I really like polkas the best, because everybody loves to party.”