meet your wife on tv

Ok, I admit it. I watched the Bachelor last night. Take away my Man membership card. My wife and I told ourselves we were not going to watch it and get wrapped up in yet another, um, unscripted, raw, “reality” show. But really – there was nothing else on and you just know that we have to have the TV turned on. And hey – from a guy’s perspective, don’t you sort of get to live vicariously through the bachelor dude’s eyes? I mean, we get to see the 25 more-or-less attractive gals he has to choose from, after all.

Well, when you start looking closely, maybe half are fairly attractive on the surface. The others are really downright, well, not all that attractive when you look more closely. I know, I know, beauty is skin deep. But admit it – to a guy, there has to be a physical attraction on some level. Like it or not, guys have the whole visual stimulus bug and that’s that. The beauty that lies on the inside is a bonus. Pigs we are.

So there was the one gal who was doomed the minute she shook the bachelor’s hand. She was just creepy and the end result was hilarious. Most of the ladies were lighthearted and friendly, but not this gal. I believe her name was Allie and right out of the chutes she gets all serious on him. Poor bastard. He barely knows her name and she informs him that she wants to have his baby. EEEE EEEE EEEE! And then she thinks that because they both work in the medical field, the competition might just as well be over. Never mind the fact that she looks like a garden gnome, bachelor boy senses weirdness and is already planning for a security guard.

The time comes for him to hand out his limited allotment of roses for the chicas he wants to get to know, and the rest are sent packing like sorority girls doing the walk of shame on Saturday morning. With each rose handed out, the camera focuses on this Allie chick. She feigns a smile but it is wrought with bitter tension. She knows she’s going down, but she tries not to show it yet, for to do so would definitely end any remote hope of advancing. Another rose, and another. None for her. She is ready to burst. Finally, the last rose…..BUT NOT FOR YOU!! Destroyed, she stomps outside to commiserate with the other losers and even they appear to be not so bad next to her. She looks utterly evil as she begins her tirade of “he’s just like all the other guys….I have tried internet dating, dating services, set ups from friends…nothing works!” Oh, I’m sure it has nothing to do with you, Allie.

Then, the best part. She gets that insane and over-dramatic “you gotta fight for what you want” thing boiling and she stomps back into the mansion, grabs the bachelor and makes a total ass of herself as if he might say “wow, you really are determined…you must be the love of my life”. Again he tries to explain very nicely that “Allie, you’re way too psycho for me and if you want babies, you’re gonna have to go find someone else to stick it to you”.

The tragedy is that she’s now off the show, and the grueling hilarity that further incidents might have spawned will now be missed. I can hardly wait until next week.