late but fast

I've written a few too many pieces recently about the dreariness of life at work. After a couple of those, I have vowed not to dwell too much on that topic henceforth. I'm really not all that negative. Sometimes cynical, perhaps, but not really negative and I don't want to seem that way.

But I have one more workplace rant that I must share. I guess it's not so much a rant as it is something puzzling to me and indicative of what goes on in corporate America.

I still get pretty worked up any time the FedEx truck pulls up in front of our house. Last night was no exception. I had already dipped into our supply of Halloween candy, so the added frenzy of hearing the doorbell ring, seeing the big white truck unexpectedly, and watching the uniformed delivery guy sprint back to his package-filled chariot was nearly too much for my heart to withstand. It was tempered a bit by the fact that it wasn't something that required my signature, but that was fine - I was important enough to someone that they felt the need to get it to me in a hurry.

I flung open the door to find an 8.5 x 11 envelope partially tucked under the door mat. A little disappointed that it wasn't a crate full of Belgian chocolate, a gift of assorted rare coffee beans from around the world, or a live pygmy goat, I looked on the bright side: good things come in small packages. Why, an envelope could contain a check for $14 Million from a benevolent uncle, an autographed photo of Lance Armstrong, or a lucrative job offer I couldn't refuse.

Eagerly, I looked at the label to see its origin. Hm.....my employer. Is this how they do layoffs now? Opening the envelope, I see the word "Congratulations" on the document inside. In my mind, that word could still mean an indication of termination, so I pulled the contents out to see what was so important that my company FedExed something rather than emailed it. "Congratulations on your fifth year of employment! Please accept this certificate as a token of our appreciation for your tireless efforts to..." blah blah blah. Ok, well I suppose that's nice that they at least recognize years of service. It wasn't the company logo t-shirt or coffee mug I had long dreamed of, but that's ok.

But wait....wasn't my fifth anniversary back in April? Why, yes it was!

It's fine that it took six months to acknowledge this crowning achievement. No big deal. Honestly, I don't care. But what escapes me is why anyone would go through the effort to FedEx a document directly to my house rather than use interoffice mail when it is SIX months late. "We know we're horrendously tardy, so to make up for it, we're going to get it right to you very quickly."

Should I survive in this job for so long, I can hardly squelch the anticipation of my 10 year anniversary. Or 10.5 years, more appropriately.